As the saying says “more money, more problems.” This could not be more accurate, with the increase in distribution, my mental health got worse and worse. I have never been more paranoid in my life, I was ruining any relationships I had left. My girlfriend at the time kept telling me to get out while you can, things are getting out of hand, cops have to know what you’re doing at this point.
After weeks of saying this is the last package, I realized I couldn’t get out, I was heavily addicted to the cash flow, and being “the man.”. I called my lifelong therapist, after not seeing him for years, and requested an emergency meeting. Things had just been feeling like they were coming to an end, everything felt disorganized and out of control, I was in too deep. My therapist asked me what was wrong, “You sounded really scared about something.” I told him, “I’ve never been more scared in my life, I have a package coming in two days and I think I’m screwed.” He recommended that I get out of town or call off the package, but I told him I was in too deep, and that this would be the last one, then I’m out.
It was the last one, that’s for sure. I pulled up to one of the addresses we sent the packages to, went inside to watch some of the World Cup with a buddy as we waited for the doorbell. USPS finally rang the doorbell, we loaded it up into my car, and drove off. As I got a half mile down the road I noticed blue lights behind me. I told myself everything’s ok, it’s in a box vacuum-sealed, everything is just fine. The cop comes up like a normal traffic stop, but then proceeds to tell me “Son, look out your passenger side window for me”. There stood four undercover detectives and at least 10-12 drug unit task force members with assault rifles pointed at my vehicle.
They proceeded to hand me the warrants for my vehicle, my apartment, the box, and my partners apartment. As I got out of the vehicle and put into handcuffs I told the cop “Thank you”. He looked so confused, but I proceeded to tell him that I would have never gotten out of that lifestyle without being arrested or killed.
Following the arrest was arguably the worst two years of my life. The final court date did not happen for nearly a year. I had court four different times where we went in with a plea agreement and the district attorneys needed more time to collect evidence. This year was full of drinking, taking pills, and not wanting to live. I was from a part of town where people don’t get in this kind of legal trouble, so everyone was talking about it. I was no longer the black sheep of my family, I was the black sheep of the west end of Richmond. Finally, in January we were able to come to an agreement. I signed a plea agreement to be convicted of felony distribution of marijuana, a five-year sentence with four years and eight months suspended. So yes, this means I had to spend four months in county jail. All things considered, I was happy with the sentence, I got what I deserved and things could have been much worse.
I entered the Henrico County Jail just after the first of the year to start 2015. Through my time in the county jail system I saw how little rehabilitation is truly done with the large population. Although we did have groups and classes available to us, the staff in charge of running these groups did not care about the rehabilitation, they just assumed you would be back on a new charge in a few months. As my time served was coming to an end, I was getting nervous, reality was hitting me in the face. I knew that the second I was released the real struggles would begin.
It had finally hit me that I am a convicted felon, and that this was going to affect me for the rest of my life. Jail was the first time in years that I had been sober for more than a couple months, and I finally decided that I needed to make a change, I was getting yet another fresh start. My first day out, I met with a Life Coach, who saved my life and stuck by my side when I felt like I had burned every bridge left. I had not weighed in the difficulties that came with being a convicted felon.
I quickly found out that I was not able to get jobs at many large corporations such as Home Depot due to company policies around recently released convicted felons. Lucky for me, my Life Coach had been convicted of a felony, and helped me keep as level of a head as I possibly could in these dark times, and as long as I was putting in the effort and showing up I had my parents’ support.
I had many friends whose families did not like them hanging out with me anymore, and felt like I was being watched like a hawk by my family and probation officer. Unfortunately, they had good reasons to be watching me since my addiction was quick to start again.
The entire process was so overwhelming, I started taking Xanax again to deal with the anxiety. But once again it got out of hand, I totaled two cars in a three week period following my release from jail, both under the influence of Xanax. I started experimenting with other hard drugs due to my depression and lack of direction I had in my life at the moment.
My roommate and I had a party at our apartment before going out to the bars, and a friend of ours, who also happen to be our cocaine dealer was over with every drug known to man, what could go wrong! Minutes after he arrived the police knocked on our door for a noise complaint and the smell of marijuana.
Luckily a friend of mine who was sober that evening and had some experience with law, answered the door and got it taken care of. But, this is the night my life flashed in my eyes, and I thought about how long I would have to go to jail if I was caught for distribution a second time. I met with my Life Coach about this event, and told him how I really think I need to get out of town and get a fresh start for a few years. We both came to an understanding that this was the best option at this moment for me to make any sort of serious change. It most likely needed to be somewhere new.
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